For those empty nights

For those empty night, forced to sleep alone,

Your tears , they will not stop, though you beg them to.

You beg for something to calm you. Though nothing may appear.

He gave you his word, promise that he may, but how can you trust him

His words mean no more than dust. You begged him, pleaded him to hear you out

To let your word mean something

But he was deaf and stubborn, you needs he did not care for.

His hurtful language came as painfully as a dull knifed dragged down your arm and across your torso.

It’s the same battle as always, though you have never won, and you never will.

You love him, yet your not sure why,

How could you love him when he cares very little for you?  He angers so easily, but makes no attempt at a sacrifice for you. You’re so scared to move, but time is running out. Can he not see how he affects you?

The world of the others

Where does one begin this tale?

I gave him up, for no reason other than it wasn’t meant to be.

I knew it was time.

But when you give someone up, you heart hurts.

And it gets lonely.

It craves attention, begging simply to be noticed.

In truth it was my own stupid fault.

The time came,

When the attention was received from another,

I jumped at it,

Not caring at the price tag that came with it.

Tell myself that this was just what I needed.

The whispers of my heart longing to be heard,

My head telling me that I should give this a wide berth,

But in that moment, how could I resist.

I had heard of his reputation,

Somehow I was able to push all that aside.

In those few moments, I felt fully alive.

Yet, after,

The weeks were filled with awkward silence.

Wishing I could talk to him,

Mention it again.

Maybe get more?

Yet the silence was there,

Never wanting to leave,

Like an unwelcome house guest.

Of course, with time

Things change.

And change they did.

After a night of tossing and turning

I heard him with another.

I guess a lonely heart does not sit still for too long.

Life Misinterrupted

How much more could she take? It had never bugged her before, but now, after all the uncomfortable glances, and whispered comments that loudly torn the flesh from her bones, it was becoming too much. She had always known she was different, not held down by the simple laws of gravity and conveniences of man. But slowly, their words like anchors chained her to the earth. Their sharp tongues and pointed glances, they tore her to pieces. Whoever said that words would never hurt them, clearly never had negative words hurled at them. What lies. She begged them to look at her life, to see how she had carefully, painstakingly arranged it, the beauty that lay there. Instead when they bothered to look, they didn’t understand her life, it was different than theirs. So they scoffed at it. Making fun of her and destroy all her beliefs in the beauty that was there. She had come so far just to fall.

She should ignore it, she knew, but after holding out for so long, she was tired. She needed rest, but it would not come soon enough.

Promises

We sat by that window, in the warm summer breeze,

You falling asleep, me with a pillow on my knees,

You told me how she broke your heart,

and how you didn’t want that to happen again

Deep in me I made a promise that warm summers night,

That I would always protect you,

Even when it hurt,

I would not be the one who would cause your heart to break.

Time has continue on since then,

We have both gotten older you see,

Our preferences are changing,

Still we have feelings for each other that we cant seem to shake..

Do we even want to get rid of them.

Sometimes you can be so selfish, demanding that everything be about you.

But I’m not really one to complain,

You see, I do the same.

Sometimes you make a point, but I fail to see,

Just truly what you want me to notice.

We drain each other emotionally, demanding from each other that we give this our all.

Meanwhile, our secret sins eat us alive,

We try to bury them deeper.

Distance and time seem to always get in our way,

Maybe with a touch of our own ambition,

See, living so far from you is not what I wanted,

But I had to proceed, and think only of me.

Looking for a Hero

Look at this suffering

It has brought this nation to its knees

We cry out

Not sure who will answer us

Waiting still, our hopes disappear

As our bodies become bruised and broken

Looking for a way out

All we find is the fires of our doom

All our lies are broken and seen through

We crumble at your feet

Will you be our hero?

Or just another fake?

My hope is wearing thin

Im not sure how much longer I can carry this burden

I tried you see, to fight, to see you

But now all I can hope for is a hero

To turn this life around

Failing

Sometimes failing is easier than trying. Same as falling is to climbing. But sometimes it is worth more to keep trying. You see, when we fail we lose sight of hope. And when hope ceases to exist so does all meaning of life.

Yet we are creatures of habit, so we fail time and time again, never realizing our faults. We curse the higher power and blame it for this failure of a life we live. We know change is needed but deep down we realize it is almost impossible. Same as fire is during a wind storm.  This fire, it seems was meant to burn out, its small flickering light to be but a memory. Faded and cracked we look upon our past, only seeing broken hearts and shattered dreams. The good is there, I promise you that. It is mixed in with the bad, how easy it is to overlook it.

We reached out to each other once, trying to hold ourselves together, in the process we some how fell apart. I tried to hold you but when you looked in my eyes all I saw was failure. This shocked me to the core. Have I always been like this to you? We always said forever, but forever is cut short when we lose sight of hope and maybe even love.

It’s never been easy, but we never thought it would be. I sometimes wish the past would reveal all its dark secrets for just a couple of moments of peace and freedom. Those two things I have not heard of nor felt in a long time. Yet everyone seems to strive for them. Demanding their presence. They refuse to show.

Yet, you saw me. In my true form, you never let me lose sight of hope. Just when I trusted you and gave you my hope and dreams, you pulled them away from me. How selfish of you. I needed you but you refused to share. Now I stand here all alone, just I and my failure to keep me company. You see I gave up once you left. I never saw the point of trying after that.

But that was along time again. I get stronger with each day, and with each day you become a little less real to me. One day I figure I will not even remember you. I wish I could say that this though makes me sad but you see, after what you put my heart through, I figure it is the least I can do. That fire that burnt out during a wind storm is trying to rekindle it self. It will happen, maybe not for a while, but one day it could be strong enough to burn down a forest. Its failure just being a small part of its past..

Don't Grow Up

 We grow up fast; we forget what it is like to be a child. For a child has a favorite colour, animal, and friend. But we grow; ready to throw those things behind us. Only wanting to be grown up faster. How sad. We forget the beauty in the world, like the first snow fall of winter, or the morning sun.  Instead, we trade that to rush to work and than rush home, so the next day we can start it all over again, just to make a few dollars. With those few dollars we make our kingdom bigger and better, begging the world to notice how great we have become.

When I was child it was so easy to find God. I found him everywhere and in everything. Now all I seem to be able to find is rules and religion. I still look for this

God of my youth, but deep down I know that I will never find him again. For my days of believe in anything so easily are gone.   I miss the days of boredom on a warm summer’s day, when school was a distant thought and my life amounted to no more than catching the next butterfly or climbing the tallest tree. Being a child, you see the world through pure eyes. Not seeing the terror or evil that exists in the world. Only see just beyond your front porch. Where friends are easily made and a great adventure is always just about to begin.

As adults, we teach children right from wrong, demanding that we they see the world though our eyes. Telling them it will get them farther in the world. Maybe this is true, I am not certain of that yet. What if we were to look through a child eyes again, seeing only what they see. What would we find? The desperate urge to be old and mature? Or maybe just the gentle longing to read a book, a book that I use to love in my youth. But I have since out grown it. As will most children. I beg you child, don’t grow up. Hold on to this moment in your life, where the world is soft and pretty. Hold on to your fairy tales and puppet plays. Hold on to your favorite books and colours. Hold on.  For this world had enough adults trying to make a few bucks. But we lose the dreamers and wonders when they grow up. So with my last thought on this page and with this final breath of air that I breathe in, I beg you, dear child, don’t be too eager to see the world through adult eyes. For your eyes will make this world an adventure to live in everyday. Don’t grow up.