Letting Go

Today i found out why my brother and his ex- girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up.  My brother did something to here that i didn't imagine him capable of. now, don't get me wrong, it was nothing to crazy bad. but if my boyfriend did it to me, i would never go back to him. It made me sad to hear that my own brother could treat this girl like that. We all loved his girlfriend! the even crazier thing is that she still loves him and would like to be with him someday again, maybe work through everything.. (she is clearly a bigger person than me) so my question, how do we let go of the ones we love?

Tough Times

You're losing me,
This game we started out playing,
so fun and innocently,
is now breaking me.
You use to care,
about my thoughts, feeling and ideas,
now i seem to take a back seat in your life
What happenned?
Where did we go wrong,
or is it just I?
i want to make this work
but with each passing minute, hour, day
i am losing hope in you.
i wonder if you feel the same way?
its not suppose to be like this.
You were suppose to be the one for me.
now it seems like that was a lie too.
im not trying to crush your dreams,
i am just trying to state my concerns,
but you will hear none of it.
There was a day
when you use to get excited to see me,
when you would whoo me
go out of your way for me
when did you become so selfish?
Did i ask to much of you?
or not enough?
I want to leave, move on,
but memories hold me here
and something else
which i cannot name.
please just listen one more time.
Try to hear me out.
i dont want to sound clingly or selfish,
but this is what you have brought me to.
We knew that this would be hard,
but you gave up trying
leaving me to carry the load.
its to heavy now
i am being crushed by the burden of it.
i cry out to you,
hoping you will hear
and maybe feel something for me
but your back is to me
and you attention is else where.
Who knows, maybe this is God's plan
do you still talk to him?
i do
all the time, begging and pleading with him
maybe his attention is else where too.
i know i am not the prettiest or smartest,
but that never seemed to bug you before.
my emotions are everywhere,
i am so mad at you for letting it come to this,
I am so sad that it feels over
and i am praying that i am wrong
that this is all in my head.
I love you
I must have said it to you at least a thousand times
but now i have trouble saying it.
do i still love you?
Yes, of course i do,
a part of me will always love.
i just wish you could do the same for me.
i don't know if you will ever read this
part of me wants you to,
just so you will finally know how i feel,
part of me hopes you wont have to,
that our relationship will grow strong again.
in the end there is not much more i can say.
i love you

Birthdays

Hello All,
Birthdays are a funny thing. I just celebrated my 21st birthday this weekend. It was a good time. But what makes them so funny is the fact that when we are young we look forward to our birthdays. We can't wait for them. we want presents and cake and the attention that comes with a birthday, but as we grow older we soon dread our birthdays. This year was the first year that i was not really excited for my birthday. i worked all day on my birthday. I only really got together with some of my family for supper. oh well..
Elisa

Here You Go Heart of Mine

Here you go heart of mine. Didn’t I warn you that life was cruel, that you would be broken down and beaten? That you would be left with big ugly scars? Though the physical pain my cease, some how you would always feel the emotional pain? My dearest heart, I wish there was a way that I could make this better for us. I wish we could go back and change what happened. But you know as well as I do, that I can’t do that. He may have ignored you, but somehow I never could. I want to tell you that everything will be ok, that one day you will not remember this day. One day you will no longer feel lonely. But my heart, these are guarantees that I cannot make. For the world has hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt you further by making promises that I cannot keep. I hope you can one day forgive me for the pain I put you through. How I made you how you are now, scars and all. What more can I say? I’m sorry seems like the right thing but some how not enough. But I guess this what I have to leave it at, I’m sorry my heart. We will grow and heal and move on one day. Please don’t give up on me yet…

Here you go heart of mine. I will put you up on the shelf where the world and all it has to offers can no longer bug you. You will never have to fight for your way again, because dear heart, you will grow old and dusty up there on that lonely shelf. You will be forgotten.  You will no longer hurt me. You will no longer break, for you will no longer feel. It might be tough at first but you will grow use to it after a while. Dear heart, please know that I am not putting you on the shelf for anything you have done to me, no, rather my precious heart I am putting you there to protect you, so we will no longer hurt through life. I will remain focused on the important things in my life, school that will eventually lead to work. Therefore, heart, I put it bluntly… I think it is best if we part ways now, and never look back. I hope you will not sit on that shelf everyday and night and think about the ‘what if ‘s’ and the ‘if it could have been’. For heart, we both know that we are better off with out each other.  I’m sorry, but this is for the best. I hope…

My Sun

So many faces everywhere, yet nobody seems to really care,

You saw me, as I ran from you,

But running has never been so good for me.

You see somehow I ran right into your arms.

That space which is so safe and warm

I’m not sure why, but you always take me back.

Funny how that is.

I fell for you once, and than twice, and now I do it almost daily.

The thought of losing you is so great, tears flow to my eyes.

You see, you have become my sun, with you I grow and bloom

Without you I wither and lose my way.

People always say that I could find another like you,

But when they say that I know that they don’t know you.

Hello

Hello all,

How does one start a blog? i guess by telling what this will all be about and maybe a bit about me. This blog will just serve as a way to get my thoughts on paper (or in this case to get them on the computer). So i guess that means i will talk about my day, thoughts, observation and anything else i find interesting enough to talk about. about me.. My name is Elisabeth, but i usually go by Elisa. (it is like Lisa with a hard E (like the e in E-mail)) I am usually quiet, maybe that is the reason to why i am starting this blog.. but if i need to make a point I'm not scared to make it. I just moved out of parents house for the first time. I am in my early 20's. so needless to say they were kinda excited to see me move. I am waiting to get a room mate and i am praying that whoever i get will become a good friend and not a headache.  I am an registered social service worker who can't find a job that offers enough hours or that does not pay enough. Due to this, i am going back to school in September to get my Bachelour of arts in Psychology. So far, everyone that i have talked to has said that this is an extremely hard class and that the exams are purposely made to fail the students. (who does that??)  other than that, i love music, it usually is the thing that gets me through my day. I play a little guitar and ukulele. i wish i was more musically talented but i guess that is not my call. I love to read. Books are kinda my escape, they allow me to have an adventure without leaving the room. I am a Christian, sometimes i am not entirely sure how true that is. I believe there is a God, and that he died and rose again to save me. but sometimes i feel that this God that everyone talks about is a fake. I am trying to find a God that is really real to me. Not this God of Religion and Rules. But that is for different blog. I have a wonderful boyfriend! he makes me smile alot. i am so lucky to have a guy like him in my life. he can sometimes be the glue that holds my life together. That being said, i am an easy going person. I don't anger that easily. I try to choose my battles. anyways, that is me in a nut shell.
Simply Elisa